My phobia sleeps with the fishes

In 2005, I splashed the San Diego pavement with a stomach cocktail, 2 minutes into eating some food (can’t remember exactly what it was) at a Mexican restaurant. Me and 2 other bad asses had arrived in San Diego after a 100-hour long plane trip from Amsterdam earlier that day. So I guess I was just too tired and off-beat like spoken word rappers from the flight and the jet lag to eat without using the food to graffiti-tag the asphalt. Since that night (feel the seriousness), I’ve found it difficult to eat in public and with others. Every time I’ve faced the situation of doing it, I’ve become anxious, and worried that I’m gonna throw up and do another San Diego. After holding food poisoning, stomach sickness and jet lag as potential sources of the problem, me and my family Dr. Phil:ed the issue and established that I’d developed a phobia of eating in front of others. During the years that followed the Mexican Throw Up Fest, I have tried to fight this phobia but the problem is that I haven’ been consistent in doing it. Yeah, there have been many times when I’ve tried to ignore the problem and have eaten both alone and with friends in public. BUT, there has also been many times when I’ve chosen Take away rather than Eat here and eaten the food at home while telling myself “It’s safe here. No one can see if I throw up.”, Emo Trippin’ in a hunched-back-Smeagol-pose with this hair style.

Yeah, I’ve been a bit lazy in trying to fight this phobia. I mean, I’ve still been eating out and with others a lot but I haven’t set up a focused plan. I haven’t sad – “Ok, f*** you phobia, I’m gonna learn how to eat now (or at least improve) and this is how I’m gonna try to do it.” Also, I haven’t been consistent in seeking help. I’ve seen two counselors, which is a good number I guess, but both of them only for a short period of time. The first one was a Canadian woman who worked for the student counseling service at London Metropolitan University where I had the great privliegfhsdfbdfhidfgkh (f*** man, how do you spell it?!) to study 2005-2010. I saw her, I think in 2006 for a couple of sessions, but they were scheduled too early in the morning (for me), so I stopped seeing her and spent more quality time horizontally in my bed instead. I saw a counselor again in Brussels in 2008; a Belgian guy with a bad ass "soul patch". He tried to hypnotize me on some Derren Brown tshit but wasn’t able to do it because I couldn’t focus - all I was thinking about was that massive credit I had to top up his wallet with after every session.

So, since I’ve failed to improve my relationship with public food with a Godzilla-sized


my phobia’s is still chillin’ inside my brain on a nice leather couch watching Come Dine With Me on a 500-inch plasma TV. Before I start with the closing paragraph, I wanna thank my parents Gabriella and Jancsi Bacsi for making it clear that actually nothing has changed regarding my phobia since San Diego 9/11; I'm still having trouble eating in front of others. I also want to acknowledge the book Awaken The Giant Within written by Anthony Robbins which motivated me to really try and get rid of this phobia.

Ok, here’s the final ass-kicking paragraph:

I feel that it’s time to make a real commitment in dealing with this problem.
It’s time to really do something about it. I’ve been missing out on way to many breakfasts, lunches, dinners and late-night-after-clubbin’-meals out in public. Too much tasty food has remained on the plate instead of filling up the area hidden behind that trimmed 6-pack. Seriously, I’m really hungry. I need public food right now. I’m starving. Like Tony Montana said – “I could eat a horse”. Thus, it is now time to get into Clint Eastwood-Mode and face this phobia eye to eye, Spaghetti Western style with me ready to lift up the Bazooka (the Magnum is just there for the look) in a split-second and serve the phobia with a nice plate of Rocket Bourguignon and a side dish of Le Fuck You. EAT THIS. IN PUBLIC.

EXTRA LINKS

London Metropolitan University Homepage
Scarface Script
Dr.Phil.com